to the drunk ass.

Dear Drunk Ass Hole,

Who in the hell raised you! I know you remember very little of what your night was like at my respectable establishment, so here is a reminder…

You walked in and immediately I knew you were trouble. To be honest I couldn’t tell you if it was the way you said Hi, or the fact that you demanded my attention the second you came to the bar. I am very good at making sure no one is waiting for their drink, but you… if you didn’t get a drink within seconds of coming up to the counter it was well-known. You would have thought that alcohol to you was like insulin to a diabetic with low blood sugar.

I finally came over, I asked what you wanted to drink and for god sake why couldn’t you just tell me! Instead you had to throw cheap pick up lines that I don’t think any girl would appreciate. Why do guys, both ass holes and non ass holes, think that flirty and constantly making remarks at a bartender is actually going to help them out. I don’t care how cute you are! I have a job to do and you yelling at me from across the bar how good-looking I am or whatever is coming out of your mouth, is not going to help you. If anything I am just going to start ignoring you!

Now don’t get me wrong I love a flirt at the bar, but let me tell you.. very few people know where the line is between tastefully flirting and being rude and obnoxious.

As a bartender, I am only allowed to serve so much at one time. Meaning if you want three shots of Patron in a row… it is not going to happen. No matter how much you wine, complain, joke around. I like my job and want to keep it, all I ask is that you respect me when I say I have to wait before I give you another shot. I was more than happy to pour you a beer but you made it seem like I was offering you a mug of toilet water.

UGHHHH!!!!

After I finally served you what you wanted.. really just to shut you up… you decided to act like the bar was the living room of a frat house. Well just a kind reminder… IT IS NOT!

Between the cat calls at any female that walked by.. to having my manager chase you to make sure you are keeping up with your tab (because you refused to give me a card)… to loudly joking or whatever you and your friends were doing. I don’t care if you got called off work the next day and were letting some steam off.. My bar is not your jungle gym!!

To top off the lovely night that you created for me you decided that I was you’re bartender and yours only. By this I mean that when I went to help someone else instead of giving you your shot (which you clearly did not need) you would let everyone know. You would whistle, yell, and call not my name but continuously yell “hey, honey”.

  1. I am not your honey…
  2. Wait your turn..
  3. Learn your bartenders name if you want her to come to you when you call.

Then the cycle continued, I would come up to you ask you what you wanted, you would stall or do whatever your tactic was and I would walk away annoyed. This continued at least half the night UNTIL FINALLY THE FINALE!

You started a fight.

I knew this was coming eventually, I just hoped you would do one thing right and just leave. Nope… that definitely wasn’t going to happen.

I just want to let you know, that if you ever want to actually have fun in a bar, blow some steam off from work, get wild… ALWAYS respect your bartender. Your bartender controls your fun, if your cool, respectful, actually control your alcohol, I would have had a blast and honestly probably given you free stuff. But that wasn’t the case here, and now you are no longer welcomed in my bar.. and that is really going to suck since we are the only one walking distance from your hotel.

So please, anyone who is ever been this guy… stop! Working at the bar is fun but sometimes it can really get to you. You are fun to a point, but pass that point and you become and annoyance.

With Love,

Your Bartender.

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