.. 2017.

 

Every year I try to make resolutions/goals for the time ahead of me. And every year it takes about 2 weeks for me to go back into my old habits. This year I am doing something different. Actually, I am just switching it up, because I did make resolutions and they lasted a record-setting 3-ish weeks into the new year. Then I was back to eating my favorite carbs, barely going to the gym, and still spending money on god knows what!

After surviving the first month I have decided to not continue to judge myself for not sticking with me resolutions but going to think about what the past year has brought me!..

A place like no other that gave me 3 of the best people I could ask for,

One of the best semesters out of the 4 years that ended with a diploma from a life long dream school,

A tattoo that tells me any and all my scars are beautiful,

A summer of engagements, weddings and parties that always remind me of why I love my family,

and much more!

 

Not only was it good that 2017 brought me, but it brought heartache. Most importantly it taught me that heartache is okay. That this is why we can stand taller afterwards. The heartache’s taught me how to move on without being too bitter (being a little bitter is healthy) and it taught me not to burn the bridges but to walk over and just not look back. 2017 took me through a relationship that was, what I thought good, until it never was. It took me through a break up that seemed to never end. As if it was a record with a skip and those 5 second play over and over until someone knocks some sense into it. It took me through the heartache of moving out of living with 3 people and moving back to our former hometowns. But knowing that to us 4, our hometown will always be known as corner at St. Bonaventure. It took me through the reality of “crap what am I going to do now,” with countless nights of stress drinking a bottle of wine thinking with every sip a 0 will go away on my student loans.

I don’t know nor ever want to know why we all go through the bad, sometimes worse and the ugly, but I have to believe it was to make us better for the future. And I think that is what my resolution has molded into. Looking forward and not back, moving on from the bad and making what the future brings better. Maybe even venturing out of my comfort zone more. Like this post right here!

I mean it’s really all I got left since everything else has been broken!

This post is hard to write for me. It’s hard to write this in general whether it’s a public post or not actually. My feelings and all the mushy stuff is what I mean. Writing about the good times and the laughing and favorite places is easy. Or even when I wrote about the time it was different back at Bonas was easier than this.

If you know me you know it takes a long time to get me to open up to you. I mean truly open up so you can see every side. I have a built-in brick wall that has multiple layers before you can get to my core. But while reflecting on my past year I realize that I have to get over this brick wall I built and start knocking it down myself layer by layer instead of waiting for someone else to do it for me!

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2 Comments

  1. Life has all kinds of ups and downs some harder than others. As you have all ready found out. But your wall was build for a reason, in time you will begin to remove the bricks. As you get older and one day someone very special will come along and help break it down. However you are so very lucky to have so many people in your life that truly love you and will always be there for you. Love you to the moon and back.

    Like

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